I got a lot of response from my post about dating in Sweden, both positive and negative. Some people seemed to misunderstand what I was saying. Splitting the bill became a hot topic and I got a lot of opinions on that. This is one reader’s reaction (although, many of you have written something like this):
I read your post about dating in Sweden, and I must say I found it very interesting. I was both amused and a bit shocked at learning about the fake-date fika situation. For me, it’s unacceptable for the guy not even treating the girl to coffee after they hooked up at the club! I was, as I said, shocked to learn that not only will he completely ignore your night together and pretend that there’s nothing like that going on between you, but he will also refuse to pay for a stinking coffee?! Even if she slept with him?? I’m sorry, but I would never have believed that Swedish guys were such pigs!
Anyway, I hope you’ll consider writing more articles like this!
I’ve answered a similar response in the comment section of that post, but I decided to put it in a separate post as well, so that all of you will see it:
I think it’s important to look at the whole picture. In Sweden you can’t take for granted that it was the guy who managed to hook up with a girl, it may just as well have been the other way around. Most likely it was a completely mutual move to start dancing, making out or spending the night together.
It’s not the guys who chase after the girls; there’s not much of a hunt in that sense going on at clubs at all. A guy who makes an obvious attempt to hook up with a girl will seldom succeed, no matter how attractive or good at dancing he is. The same is true for girls. Such “aggression” in the dating scene is seen as a turn-off for both sexes.
If they do end up spending the night together, it’s not the guy who got to sleep with the girl, the act is completely mutual.
As for the fika, to Swedes there is nothing that suggests that the guy is the one who should pay for the girl’s coffee, since the intentions of both guy and girl are completely mutual. In fact, most Swedish girls will refuse to let the guy pay for her coffee even if he insists on paying for both of them, and many will even get offended. In exactly the same way that nobody would think you’re worse at something just because you’re a girl, nobody would ever assume that the guy should pay just because he’s a guy.
In Sweden people try to avoid those kinds of distinctions between different expectations from men and women.
I hope this answers some questions!:)